Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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