just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
