This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
