Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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