Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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