u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
