I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
