Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
