my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
