I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
