I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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