I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
