I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
