1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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