Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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