Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
