Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
