I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
