i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
