Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
