and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
