you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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