if i died would you start the facebook group?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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