No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
