were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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