pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
