yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
