Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
