You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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