I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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