By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
