new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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