i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You need Xanax blowdarts
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
