sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
