I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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