he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
