True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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