The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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