Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
