Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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