I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
