I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
