Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
