If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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