I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I am midnight drunk by noon
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I need to align my fucking chakras
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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