I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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