i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
