I will die if light touches me.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
