so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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