Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Randomize
