I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
