i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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