This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
