All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
