i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
