I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
