Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
