He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize