life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
He kissed a someone with a penis
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
