So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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