Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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