We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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