it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
