Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
