I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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