Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
