Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
We left the knife in your bed.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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