Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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