what day is it and did you see me today?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
