I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize