everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
