I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
