Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
