In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
